The art of patience and trust

The past 8 years of my life has been very well planned. It's all on Excel spreadsheets, they're all still saved on my computer -- what classes I'm supposed to take for each semester, the grades I get for each class, when I'm supposed to be doing what. I liked the structure. I liked knowing what I'm supposed to do next.

Then came graduation. Yeah, now I get to do this, and do that, move here, and work there. But instead, BOOM! The plans came and went.

I had fantastic plans for myself. They weren't get-rich-quick schemes, or anything that would require any compromise of integrity. They involved lots of hard work, ambition, and growing up. As sincere as my intentions were, they seem to have been either shut down or put to the backburner. And now I feel lost and stagnant at the same time.

I still don't have a clue about what God wants me to do with my life. I want to be obedient, but this whole waiting game is soooo frustrating, especially coming from a girl who likes to plan. (Thus the Excel files, the planner in the bag, the dry-erase board on the wall.)

There are so many things that I know will come in His perfect timing. An awesome career. An awesome husband. An awesome family. An awesome life.

But for now, He's asking me to wait. To stop looking for the things that I want and just keep looking up to Him instead. He maybe breaking me down to the point where I look to Him for everything - my strength, my comfort, my Abba.

Then, when I finally learn to do that, He'll give me the desires of my heart. Because He promises He has better plans than I could ever put together for myself. And He promised that Jesus came so that I could live life more abundantly.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: "'For I know that plans that I have for you,' says the Lord, 'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

I still cling to that promise. And God is so faithful, I know whatever it is He has planned, it will be amazing.

So, the bottomline is, I'm slowly learning to be patient and to trust God with all that I am. He knows me better anyway. So why the heck is it frustrating me still?

Psalm 130:5 -- "I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and my hope is in His word."