On brides and babies

I'm going to a friend's wedding this Saturday, and I still have to figure out what I'm going to wear.

She's my age and ready to settle down. Well, I'm not.

So many people who I went to high school or college with are either married or just had their first child. I can't even imagine myself doing either at this point in my life.

I'm 21! And so are they!

Yes, I feel a little bit of pressure. My cousins got married young and it's kinda almost expected in Filipino families. But I'm so focused on getting my career jumpstarted, I really could care less right now.

So my friends had their bridal showers and baby showers, and their wedding receptions and first birthdays ... and pictures are up on facebook.

I am happy for them. They found the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with early in life. Well, that's nice.

Subsequently, I'm kinda asking God to hold off on "him." Although "he" would be nice to be with now, not yet. I want my time to be alone - to be able to do things without asking for someone else's permission, without considering someone else's opinion. Allow me to figure out who I am, who I want to be first. It's only then that I can honestly say that I can give myself away completely to someone else, without losing grip of myself in the process.

Sounds selfish.

But if I don't do that now, I won't be able to do that later in life. I'll look back with regrets.

So this Saturday, when my friend is wearing her something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, I'll sit there and be genuinely happy for her. I'll be the one with the red heels on.