This Saturday, a letter

Bells are ringing
But they don't toll for me
As they will for you
In three days time.
A red-letter Saturday.
She'll walk down the aisle
And take your hand
And promise a forever
That I couldn't provide.
Not yet.
Not you.
You and your
Matching tattoos,
Matching lifestyles.
It's been almost two years.
I thought I finally convinced myself
That God was only guarding my heart
And yours, too.
Now He's gently mending mine
As He's graciously filling yours.
I'm sure she'll make an excellent
Wife.
As I leave to pursue
Lifelong dreams somewhere,
You stay to lead the
Life that I knew you wanted -
A quiet life of riding concrete and water;
A safe life within Duval walls and shores;
A normal life I don't wish for myself.
I know you're happy
And you'll make her happy
And I'll be just fine.
I'm not jealous.
I'm not angry.
I'm not wishing things would have gone differently.
So tell me why
As Saturday approaches
My throat hurts
From holding back tears
But I horribly fail.
I won't pretend to understand.
But I hold to the truth
That God has a greater plan for me
And that my Saturday will come
Just waiting for true love to awaken, so
This is where I say
I wish you a lifetime of happiness,
This is where I say
Good luck on your life together,
This is where I say
Goodbye.